Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
