I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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