i think my mom watched the whole time
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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