He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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