if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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