Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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