I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
