When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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