did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
