I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
