peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
