chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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