shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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