The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
