Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
