Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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