she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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