VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It all started with a game of naked twister.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
