is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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