Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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