Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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