How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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