So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
