Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Screwed.edu
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
