You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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