She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
