i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
