similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i've created a new STD.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
