You can't special order awesome
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
