my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I supernannyed him into submission
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
