can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
