hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
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Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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