erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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