I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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