There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
