i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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