My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
