I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
