guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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