so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
