i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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