Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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