ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
