I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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