how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
