I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
