brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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