Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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