Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think I died a long time ago.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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