She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
