someone owes me an orgasm
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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