She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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