I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
