Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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