We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
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You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
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Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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