No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
