walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
