life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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