there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
