I didn't shave. On purpose
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
