I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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