I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
