Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
