she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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