I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
