And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
