cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
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