I wish I could teleport
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
