Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
