Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
