got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
