It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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