Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
