I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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