i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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