You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
