Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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