just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
