im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
