have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
