Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
